We've decided to take a page from the most douchetastic restaurateur we know - Guy Fieri - and write an absurd, surrealistic word painting of a sushi menu to honor Ye himself. Enjoy!
YEEZY'S SUSHI
COME AND GET SOME SUSHAY,
IT'S SERVED UP BY KANYE,
'CAUSE YOU KNOW IT BE FRESH
AND IT'S BETTER THAN THE REST.
I GET THE FISH FOR MY DISH
AT A PLACE THAT YOU WISH
YOU KNEW ABOUT BECAUSE IT'S SO TASTY
ALTHOUGH IT ISN'T ALWAYS FAST 'CAUSE WE AIN'T HASTY
COME ON BY AND SOON YOU WILL START TO PRAY
THAT YOUR SUSHI IS ALWAYS MADE BY KANYE.
College dropout roll: Doritos crumbs, sliced apples, communion wine-braised beef, diamonds. (8 ¥eezus)
The Amber roll: amberjack fish, golden beets, rose petals, bitters, bottled Yeezy tears of anger, wasabi hot sauce. (23 ¥eezus)
Beyonce roll: Ye's not convinced you're ready for this jelly - lightly braised jellyfish, red onion jam, wasabi, and cucumber served on a bed of toasted rice. (30 ¥eezus)
Imma let you finish roll: tuna tartare, blanched kale, parboiled rice. (8 ¥eezus)
All of the Lights roll: different whitefish wrapped in mild seaweed and tied with Christmas lights. (12 ¥eezus)
Blood on the Leaves roll: self explanatory (5 ¥eezus)
The Yeezus in the North roll: the above, frozen. (14 ¥eezus)
IT'S SERVED UP BY KANYE,
'CAUSE YOU KNOW IT BE FRESH
AND IT'S BETTER THAN THE REST.
I GET THE FISH FOR MY DISH
AT A PLACE THAT YOU WISH
YOU KNEW ABOUT BECAUSE IT'S SO TASTY
ALTHOUGH IT ISN'T ALWAYS FAST 'CAUSE WE AIN'T HASTY
COME ON BY AND SOON YOU WILL START TO PRAY
THAT YOUR SUSHI IS ALWAYS MADE BY KANYE.
SUSHI ROLLS
Margiela roll: black caviar, bluefin tuna, and fois gras rolled in koshihikari rice and dusted with edible gold flecks. (10 ¥eezus)College dropout roll: Doritos crumbs, sliced apples, communion wine-braised beef, diamonds. (8 ¥eezus)
The Amber roll: amberjack fish, golden beets, rose petals, bitters, bottled Yeezy tears of anger, wasabi hot sauce. (23 ¥eezus)
Beyonce roll: Ye's not convinced you're ready for this jelly - lightly braised jellyfish, red onion jam, wasabi, and cucumber served on a bed of toasted rice. (30 ¥eezus)
Imma let you finish roll: tuna tartare, blanched kale, parboiled rice. (8 ¥eezus)
All of the Lights roll: different whitefish wrapped in mild seaweed and tied with Christmas lights. (12 ¥eezus)
Blood on the Leaves roll: self explanatory (5 ¥eezus)
Watch the Throne roll: iron-rich spinach, king salmon, queen fish, a minced and lightly sautéed page from George R.R. Martin's Songs of Ice and Fire, poison. (12 ¥eezus)
The Yeezus in the North roll: the above, frozen. (14 ¥eezus)
Paris roll: coq du vin, shallot, rice, fleur de sel, deep fried in croissant batter. Best served in a french-ass restaurant. (13 ¥eezus)
Heartless roll: beef heart, artichoke hearts, palm hearts, jealousy, lightly steamed brown rice. (5 ¥eezus)
Roll from Sierra Leone: yucca, whitefish, wrapped in a palm leaf and crusted with sugar crystal 'diamonds'. Only for the guilty. (6 ¥eezus)
Heartless roll II: empty sushi roll. Your server will deposit your roll carelessly and contemptuously. (8 ¥eezus)
Mercy roll: poisonous blowfish, ghost chili pepper, scotch bonnet pepper, basmati rice, served with a thai chili dipping sauce. (18 ¥eezus)
I Am A God roll: seven fishes, communion wafers, manna from heaven soaked in wine made from water. Served to you by a gospel choir. (20 ¥eezus)
Otis roll: collard greens, oats, catfish, rolled in rice and smothered in Louisiana hot sauce. (8 ¥eezus)
*We unfortunately are unable to accept any currency except ¥eezus dollars at this time. We thank you for your understanding.*
I feel like this has to be in Chicago. Opening specials will include the 'Homecoming.' It's the sushi equivalent of a deep dish pizza, rolled up Kanye-style. Possibly with Donkey Sauce.
ReplyDelete